talking about annoyance and disappointment.
sometimes though, i can really feel it growing. i despise the feeling.
when you've grown up, lacking self-esteem at times, it's hard to gain it back.
you lose friends, you gain friends, but it all comes at a cost.
you just don't know what's real or fake anymore when it comes to friendship.
most of my friends are wonderful, and i'm happy where i am with them.
my family- we have our ups and downs.
some people, i honestly don't know what their problem is.. actually i do, their problem is me.
i admit, i haven't been the best person throughout the years.
but i have never intentionally hurt others.
even the road to hell can be paved with good intentions.
it's upsetting that we're surrounded by really selfish characters. and they paint ugly lines on values and thoughts held dear.
and i don't want anything to do with these people.
i don't want fake friends. i'd rather real enemies. atleast they're decent enough to be honest.
knowing that people talk about you negatively, it does sting sometimes.
especially when pretense of genuinity is the only thing which holds them together.
and one normal action is turned into something worse with their words..
i'm not new to the art.
i just don't want to have to always be exposed to the hate.
manipulation; it's the worst.
and anyone who uses others for their own selfish gain, are people who deserve sympathy.
they're dead on the inside.
this world is definitely not perfect.
and i'll never let their games affect me.
i don't suck up to others and never plan to.
i want to be a better person, and i wish i had that push from my bestfriend.
or from anyone.
i'm not dependent on others, and definitely don't want to be dependent on her.
i don't want to go to others and expect them to make me feel better, because the pressure is intense and no one accomplishes it effortlessly.
don't want to ever worry about the way the world sees me.
because it's they way that i see the world which matters.
even though it's ugly at times- it does give opportunity.
and you have to work hard to earn it.
and not take advantage of anything, whether it be circumstance or friendships, the way some do.
i don't want, i don't need.
i believe in opportunity. i'm reaching for something more.
